Out of kindness a few people who sometimes comment on my posts have refrained from actually posting the ones about my near-perfect son and just tell me. Bragging is not flattering, nor is it becoming. I really didn’t think it was bragging… so maybe I am deluded. Anyway, I just had an opportunity to spend a few hours this week with him (even cancelled a retreat) and the scales have fallen from my eyes, so to speak.
He tells me he has book-marked this blog so maybe I’m walking a tightrope here but my balance is pretty good so I’m going for it. He may not read it anyway.
My son has been dating a girl in his new hometown for I guess a couple of years. Her family are crazy about him and he is fitting in with them well. While we visited he listed their many remarkable attributes, among which was that one scary word: normal. Has he said stuff about me I need to live up to? Or live down? Or nothing at all? So where does this leave me?
Out of the normal.
I am truly happy for him. Really. Sure, for several years after my divorce from his dad I hoped to remarry but as it sank in that it likely was not in my cards I began to rely more and more on good friendships and God. I began to understand the will of God more and to find joy in life, unattached.
But this isn’t about me. Or is it?
There are many things I searingly remember about single-parenthood that I wish I could undo. What parent, single or no, doesn’t have a memory or two like that? But I find, after all my efforts to apologize, sincerely, not just to get in my son’s good graces but because I am truly remorseful, I am clearly disconnected.
That’s ok. I hope whatever he has found in this family, who truly are good and nice people, is real and permanent for him. What normal parent doesn’t want happiness for their child, whatever their history? I’ve met this girl’s family, and liked them even if we do not have much in common. I truly hope this is something that will endure as long as he and their daughter do. Because for me, I can see a rift. Not unpleasant but certainly a parting of something that I thought would never come undone.
Just goes to show how capricious, unpredictable, and interesting life and relationships can be.