Stranger in a familiar land

When I came back home if was more for familiar things- the scent of pine trees, streets and neighborhoods I know, Most of my friends have moved but I have always loved where I was born so decided to move back here. Thomas Wolfe may have been right when he said you can’t go home again. The scent of pines is still here, but the people are gone. My people, my family, friends. The familiar has become foreign in its unpersonalness.

Three years ago I mentioned to a neighbor I thought of moving again to be in a place where I could begin again. She and her family moved a few months later. Never said a thing. Then another neighbor mentioned she and her husband were thinking of retiring to another area. They were gone after a year. A couple 3 houses away moved a few months after that. With all my things in boxes for all this time I have been the readiest person to move and am still there.

For the next 2 weeks my dog and I are on the coast of my homestate of North Carolina. We will look for a house. I have a realtor who is helping me. I do not know if, in 2 weeks, I will find something I like. The rest of my family are in Houston. Why don’t I just find a place in Texas? Since my brother declined a job offer someplace else the suggestions by his wife for my moving there have completely stopped. In fact, I have not heard from them since then. Why is this not easier than it is?

I have rented a house, rather half of a house with some other people downstairs which my dog does not like at all. The realtor who rented the house sent me a list of things the house did not have for me to bring. So I brought them and the house has everything I was told to bring. What it does not have are a tea kettle and wifi. I found an unsecured link which does not worry me. Maybe it should. Maybe more than my dog barking or that my car is ungaraged or that there is no tea kettle. But there is air conditioning, and there are ice trays. And an ancient mocrowave that has more power than my brand-new one at home which, thankfully I did not bring.

I just wish I could decide what to do.

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4 thoughts on “Stranger in a familiar land

  1. We moved back to my home region, but not my home town. I like the anonymity, but my sister lives not far away, and my husband and Son are with me. We are introverts so it is wonderful, and we have the tree change we craved. I hate city life, something I bore for husband’s career. I find it is the house that is important. The house must speak to your spirit and then everything else falls into place. That said, I have never lived alone and I don’t know how that would influence my geography. My experience is that people who move in retirement are usually not all that happy with the change. All depends of the individual though doesn’t it?

    • Yes, the house I live in now is the main problem, as well as not being home anymore. The beauty of living alone is I have no contingencies. Where I live is my own decision. The hardest part is not having seen so much. Though I have lived in the north, south, desert southwest and Florida I wonder about places like Alaska, the midwest… I know myself though and I crave the ocean.

  2. I guess you have to feel “rooted” to feel really comfortable whether it’s a house or a community. I’m always telling my manservant that I do not want to be old in America; I want to go home to Australia where all my family are. I love my house but it is not really “home” – I think I’ll always feel that I’m not quite with my “community” here.

    • A friend once said to me, “wherever you go, there you are,” which is true, of course. Still, being where I grew up in a house I have never learned to feel at home in is something of a drawback. I am at home in myself, just not happy with my house, architecturally or something. Just doesn’t feel right.

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