Christmas Day 2015, its celebration, is now a memory. We hope to carry what Christmas Day is and means, as Charles Dickens said, “all throughout the year”. My anticipation of this day was heightened by the arrival of my son and his live-in. It would be so easy to say I discount her because she is never going to measure up because no one is as good as my perfect son deserves. That is what most misconceptions are of a mother’s thoughts of her son’s love-interest.
In my case I hope against hope each time that this will be the time this young woman has a light dancing in her eyes indicating she clearly understands how hard this is for both of us. She knows since we both love and adore my son/her boyfriend this will all work itself out, that there are comedies of error around every sticky and difficult situation.
Not this year.
She smiled a bit more at the outset of the visit but as we saw more of each other rather than become warmer and friendlier she became quieter and more distanced. Yes, we have differences of opinion but isn’t that normal?? Yes, she is 28-29 (? I really don’t have a clue, just know she is over 25) and I am some 30 or 40 years her senior, but should that daunt anyone? I truly want to like this girl, to embrace her as a healthy dimension to my son’s life but cannot seem to break down the walls. Whether or not he put them up or she or both did I may never know. I just know that they are there and if I cannot melt their iciness with warmth then it is they who must do the work. Or not.
My sister-in-law chided me that she sees a great fondness for my son from his girlfriend. She also reminded me of what I already well know, that her parents adore him. They have comfortably enfolded him into their routines. I know all of this. Easier for them to have a relationship with him in that they all live in the same city while I am 5 states away. Sunday night dinners. Visits back and forth. All I can do is try my best to somehow find a way to fit into their lives. Unless my son decides to cut me out of his life entirely which I recently mentioned to a friend I hope to find some way to be in this picture without having to completely deny who I am. I am industrious and resourceful enough to manage should there not be a place for me but the sadness will be overwhelming!
I’ll survive, black, white or grey, one way or another.