New

Years ago (those years I could afford one at all) we were fortunate to find places that sold live Christmas trees. One year I bought a 5-foot Norway spruce. I planted this tree outside the bricked patio of our small condo. It grew to a stately, lovely shaped tree. I was an original owner at this subdivision so could do this, also could have 3 dogs if I wanted them. Had I known this at the time, prior to our association hiring a management company I would have likely had 3 dogs. As it happened, no sooner did I move than that beautiful tree was chopped down.

Oh my.

Another year I found a smaller but equally pretty Colorado blue spruce. My father, hailing from Colorado, I decided just had to have this tree at the beach house my mother and he had just built. So after Christmas I loaded this tree into my car and drove the 3-4 hours to South Carolina. The root ball was dry I discovered, and the portion of tree that had been at the window had lost most of its needles but no worries, I just knew it would be so happy to be planted on a native Coloradoan’s property.

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Wrong.

We all sorrowfully watched it turn a deep brown as it died a rather slow, painful death. Painful for us I suppose.

I don’t like seeing anything die. Not a flower, or a tree, a pet. Nor a parent, a friend. But it happens. Death is part of life. So in this new year which is simply a connected day to the previous and next days moving onward in the space and time measurements I will meld with life, come whatever may come. I have spent most of my life’s years becoming indignant over small and great slights and upheavals. I have crusaded for causes I was positive could change the course of all life for the better. I have pounded in search of ways to make things better for people, for animals, for the environment. And whatever difference I have made is so small, minor, insignificant I wonder what makes a difference at all.

I am spent.

Not that things do not matter, but so much energy is misdirected, a chasing after the wind.

So I will look for an opportunity to find the trees and let nature take care of its forest. I will wait before acting. Consider, listen before speaking. And most of all deny discouragement, disappointment their victories because nothing ever stays the same. All things become new. An unwritten law that has existed always.

I finally get it.

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