Just an ordinary week in October. Yet it was not.
I could not keep a grip on things in daily normal functions. My toothbrush. The dogs’ medicine bottle. Spilled dog food. Picking up dog toys to clean the floors I stood too fast and slammed the back of my head under the counter. The washing machine died. I probably paid too much for a new one. How would I know? I never bought a new one before.
Thousands of migrants leaving their homes because their countries are destroyed and instead of fixing it they are coming here.
The pipe bombs.
So today, 10 days before the elections I refuse to watch television. Any programming at all. I refuse to look at twitter. Back in April I deleted my facebook account. I just got tired and depressed from all the anger.
I needed silence.
I busied myself with stuff I figure I can’t hurt myself doing. It’s beginning to get colder so I am gradually moving plants inside the house from outside and on the porch. Spraying for bugs, finding spots of sunshine for them inside.
I scrubbed the bathrooms.
And cooking. Sometimes I bake bread, sometimes I make comfort food. Today it was the latter. Roasted vegetables, chili, spaghetti based on my mom’s recipe. She could cook anything better than anyone or any restaurant. Not gourmet, just good, hearty food.
I won’t have to cook again for weeks.
Rescue dogs Lily and Lulu watched me through all this activity, hoping I would notice it also had stopped raining and a walk in the park would be kind of fun. So off we went.
As she often does Lulu found a spot on a bench and jumped up to rest and watch the world. My phone dinged so I checked it. Nothing important but I tapped on a news icon.
Another shooting. A synagogue. People celebrating joyous life events, when out of nowhere a nightmare explodes in their lives. I wanted to scream at that very moment, but instead I prayed.
I prayed for the dead and their families. For the wounded. For the crazy insane man that shot them. And then I realized.
It’s not Trump’s fault. It’s not Maxine Waters’ fault. It’s not Christine Blasey Ford, Justice Kavanaugh, Bernie Sanders, Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton’s fault.
It is us.
No matter what another person may tell us to do or not to do, no matter how much we may dislike someone or something, no matter how unfair life seems. We each one of us is responsible for ourselves. What we say, do, the choices we make.
Not Maxine Waters.
Not Donald Trump.
Not anyone or anything else.
God help us.
“11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” –Jeremiah 29:11