aMusings

I began this blog around 6 or 7 years ago. Back then I idyllically imagined I would use this as a platform for epiphany, revelation or eloquent personal disclosure. Funny maybe, having some depth, but hoping to not become a forum for aging, malady or complaining (whining).

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Maybe leave a trail of insight or hope, or just encouraging words.

There are bumps in everybody’s road. Forks on the pathways. Brick walls. Cliffs. Mountains. Brambles. Woods. Wild animals. Hurdles. Chasms. Insurmountables and unfathomables.

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And then there’s root canals.

I have never liked dental appointments. So moving to a new place too far from a dentist I had come to trust I had to start over again. For someone with serious trust issues in general it isn’t easy. They tell me what needs work. I make an appointment and soon after I cancel it. I am an adult, this is silly.

So when the dentist said he had to send me to an endodontist my brain shut down. I made the appointment and did not cancel it. I went to the appointment. Exactly one hour later, the lower left half of my face in paralysis  they had finished. The most painful part was paying for it.

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The day after an arctic freeze arrived after torrential rains. Thankful rescue dogs Lily and Lulu woke me early to go out or I’d have missed the 5 minutes of snow flurries. The rest of the day was icy cold with brutally cutting winds making walkies a near impossibility.

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But beyond conquering dental fears, bitter cold, I think the hardest thing I faced this week was a cryptic phone call from my son. I have mentioned in posts that his girlfriend does not care for me (it’s the only conclusion I came to based on monosyllabic responses, or no response at all). This incrementally alters the relationship with my son each time I encounter them. They have been together about 10 years, living together for 7. I realize it is expected that children grow up, leave home and begin lives of their own. This exclusion though was hard to accept at first. It does not get easier, but I get better at dealing with it. I cannot say whether this arrangement he lives with is right or wrong, but I am sorry I am not a part of it. To say it’s worse than having a root canal, well, it’s an analogy I did not think I’d ever make.

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19 thoughts on “aMusings

  1. I feel you on this, on all levels. Since moving here there is no dentist or doctor I know. Since I’ve had the same doctor since I was pre-teen, and the same dentist for a couple of decades it’s unsettling to say the least. Hubby can go to any stranger and is just fine, me I have trust issues too. On the son part, mine was with the same girl for 10 years. She was not my favourite person in the world but I was always nice because I didn’t want to alienate my son. But the longer he was with her the less he and I talked. She was always the one wanting to be a go between. If he and I were talking she would get in the middle, soon he was silent and I was conversing with her. I would have preferred it to be just me and him obviously. They broke up. A few years back. Things have returned to us being able to talk, which I am thankful for. But things never went back to they were before the girlfriend. I don’t know if it is because he grew up, or because the pattern of that 10 years. I hope you feel better soon and that things get better with your son 🙂

  2. The dentist I loved retired and sold his practice to a younger man. I like the new guy, but not as much as I liked the old guy – and he’s recently done some things that make me feel like I’m ready to change – but I won’t because that would be too much like work. I had a root canal a year ago and I’m still feeling soreness in that tooth. I did not have good experiences with dentists growing up. Sigh.
    I have a stepson. We have what is best described as an off and on relationship – which I’m okay with except it impacts his dad. Since I love his dad, I try my best to be as cordial and welcoming as possible. It’s a tough road you tread with your son, and I hope it will someday be better.

  3. It’s always something, isn’t it? I read a quote today that you might enjoy: “A knight in shining armor has never had his (or her) metal tested.” Praying for better days ahead. 🙂

  4. So sorry to hear about what you are experiencing with your son. That would break my heart. I hope he starts seeing you the same way he did when he was a little boy and you were his mommy always there with love and hugs. It seems the whole world is having this problem with people in their lives not connecting like we all should be. That is one of my biggest prayers of course, that we as humans all start loving and caring for one another the way it should be. Oh and that dentist thing…well, I am afraid of them too. There’s a whole group of us out there. I will say an extra prayer for you and your son. That while flower photo is beautiful.

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