remembering in dreams

Both my parents have passed away. My mom over 30 years ago, my dad 13 years ago. We had stuff. Emotional, psychological. Some like most families, some not. I had frequent dreams about them after they died. Not awful, not exciting, they were just part of the dreams. The other day I realized I could not recall when I’d last dreamt with them in the dream. There’s been a lot going on and I tend to not remember dreams at all unless they are really lucid or vivid ones. So last night I dreamed about both of them. This dream was like a culmination of many memories from when they were living, when my son was small, when I worked for my father at his newspaper.

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Weird.

I woke not remembering clearly the dream itself as much as how I felt, and I felt much the same as I had when I was first divorced and had lost all sense of direction.

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Stressed, anxious, under pressure, inadequate. Horrible. I know in this dream, like in that part of my life I was doing the very best I could, trying too hard. I have no idea what prompted this dream or these memories. My roof has just finally been replaced, the insurance check which was more than the estimate came in time to pay the roofers. I gave them the full amount of the check, less what it would cost to paint the foyer ceiling. I do not know why I would have such a dream when my sense of responsibility is off the meter.

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My dream book says dreams of anxiety portend coming favorable circumstances. That seeking approval means instead of seeking approval from others I need to seek acceptance from myself. When parents appear in dreams after they have died it is a message of love and warmth, and sometimes a warning. Of what I have no idea.

Just hope the roof holds.

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perchance to dream…..

I have been dreaming vivid dreams lately. Not like creative genius I should patent  this dreams. Dreams where I wake up and think, what does that mean?

So I bought a book that interprets dreams. I have no idea how they came up with these meanings and I read the definitions rather loosely. So far none has been bad though, at least not according to this book.

For instance I had a dream where something in a bathroom overflowed. In waking life this would be reason for panic! But apparently if you dream about clear water it means happiness, prosperity. And dreaming about bathrooms is a good omen. Go figure.

I had 2 dreams about driving. One where I was a passenger which indicates finding some way through difficulties. Good to know. Another where I was driving with my dogs in the car. This apparently foretells staunch friends and successful undertakings. Because of the dogs, I am guessing.

unnamed.jpg    now, where is that lizard…

I say I consider these meanings loosely because it seems how a person interprets these things themselves needs to be taken into account. Doesn’t it? I mean, are these things tested somehow? Some of these definitions make some sense like seeing muddy water in a dream, or standing in it is not a good thing. Problems arise. So some of these things are just common sense.

I know my son has very strange and convoluted dreams but then he is an extremely creative person. He is a graphic designer, working for a company that makes video games. So I can see why this might be reflected in dreams.

So even though I don’t remember dreams every day evidently people dream every night. I always thought dreams reflected waking life somehow but not always.

I don’t believe in fortune telling, horoscopes or divination. Dreams come from my mind. So it likely does have meaning. But even though I do not eat them, if I ever dream of a tortilla it means prosperity.

Better that than indigestion.

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“For in the multitudes of dreams and many words there is also vanity. But fear God.”   —Ecclesiastes 5:7

Expectations

The past couple of weeks I was seduced. The temperatures reached all-time highs. We have had a hard winter (well, for here) and I wanted to believe it was finally, completely over. I expected the warm to stay.

The sun is out, the sky is as clear blue as I have ever seen but the wind is gusting over 30 miles an hour and it is cold. Well, for here it’s cold. 50 is cold after 70s and 80s. And 30s overnight. I expected full-on Spring.

I knew it was still February. I know the saying, “March comes in like a lion, goes out like a lamb”, and it will. It always does. But somehow this year I was fooled into believing the cold was gone and this would be different.

Expectations. When what I want is so much stronger than what reason tells me. When all I believe and hope does not materialize because I didn’t consider all the factors. And sometimes there are factors in my limited experience I don’t know even exist to consider.

So I pray.

There are things I know that I pray for that are just not likely to happen. But they could. It is my way of being dependent on God. Having lived most of my life learning on my own, being resourceful seldom asking for help. Learning to get by with less than most because it was all there was and being happy with it. That was success for me, many times. And my dependence on God is really all I have. Everything else is a gift for which I am grateful but I cannot claim fully as mine. And if nothing else my prayer, if it does not change circumstances right away, changes me. It gives me peace.

My dad used to ask, “Why do you limit yourself?” Funny question. Experience stretches limitations, mistakes refine experience and grace allows others to share the success. So if I limit myself it certainly is unintentional. Who likes being in a rut? Or never growing or changing? So dreams, goals, expectations are visions of better. I use frustration to the same end. Something frustrates I find ways to change it or me so I don’t have frustration again. Not there, anyway.

Fear limits a dream. It’s not possible to achieve in fear. Caution is different. Fear paralyzes. And praying breaks the barrier of fear to where I know I can trust. It helps me know what is limiting me. It shines a light so I can see the fear or the unknown or the question that hasn’t been asked. It puts my dream into the hands of God who knows what’s best for me and when I should have it, or not have it at all. Choices. Opportunities.

If I do not expect anything I am not disappointed. Yet nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Or something like that.

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So go! Trust! Try and try again.

“Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds  in Christ Jesus. Finally beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”    Philippians 4:6-8

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”   Proverbs 3:5-6

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Life is but a dream…

Doing some research, this was in Lewis Carroll’s poem at the end of Through the Looking-Glass, beginning, “A Boat, beneath a sunny sky… “. I remember the line as in the children’s rhyme song that we were taught to sing in rounds. There we were, rowing our little boats (we hoped in the same direction), gently down the stream. Such is life, but not always downstream, is it? Being gentle helps, but always? And what if that downstream movement is toward a precipitous waterfall?

Is it merrily, merrily or verily, verily? We always sang merrily, so that would seem to correlate to the adage “Ignorance is bliss”, if we are rowing gently, and merrily, only to conclude that life is just a dream. Then what are we doing here in the first place? Is it practice?

Some would concur that, yes, it is practice. It is here where we stretch our wings, crash and burn, soar on the strengths of our finest hopes and aspirations, encourage others, learn and unlearn, begin and end, only to begin again. We can keep our one dream, stop and change to another dream, help someone else with their dream. But gently. And merrily.

Even when we don’t want to be.

“Life is but a Dream” is reprinted from The Hunting of the Snark and Other Poems and Verses. Lewis Carroll. New York: Harper & Brothers, 1903.
Read more at http://www.poetry-archive.com/c/life_is_but_a_dream.html#Ivg1CpMUis2IRkyR.99